Finding Confidence through Acceptance

This is the story of one of our clients who found his own Somajna and generously agreed to share it with the world as many others may benefit from it.

Being in a senior role in his organization meant that John had to regularly interface with clients. However, he reported a lack of confidence in showing up in front of clients - either getting tongue tied or talking too much. Often, he seemed to not know how much people valued his opinion, and refrained from sharing his point of view, especially if more senior colleagues were with him. He felt it was their ‘thing’ to contribute and he might not have anything substantial or valuable to share. As he started exploring this in his coaching session, the first thing to validate was whether he had a felt sense of what confidence meant and what kind of circumstances brought that out of him. This was important as his current assessment of not feeling confident might be an inversion of another experience where he assessed himself or someone else as ‘confident’. John went back to his childhood and mentioned how he was always confident as a kid. He also shared that he always longed to hear a ‘good job’ compliment for things done well and that boosted his confidence. However, two incidents that took place in his childhood made an impact on how he saw himself. The common element in both incidents was a childhood ‘mistake’ he had not forgiven himself for. The incidents also indicated his willingness to take a risk when it felt right. He also shared that early in his career he had committed a couple of mistakes for which the company had a to pay a heavy price. However, he had taken responsibility for it and learnt from the experience. Since then, something like that never happened, but it did make him extra cautious. Upon hearing this, the coach asked him if he could connect the dots between the childhood incidents, early career experiences and his present assessment of lacking confidence. He thought for a while and could see two things clearly. The first was realising he had still not forgiven himself for committing those mistakes. The second was an assessment that being confident can result in mistakes. This was an important realisation and one that set the tone for the rest of the coaching. The coach asked him if he was willing to forgive himself to which, John agreed. The coach then asked him if he was open to expressing the same through a declaration as they can be powerful. Declarations have the power to change the world when they are made from a place of authority. We have that authority in our own life and anything we declare to ourselves can have a powerful impact on our soul. When he heard this, he agreed and took some time to write a declaration for himself. When he was ready, he read it out - ‘John, let it go. It’s ok. I’m proud of you’. As he said it, he felt a release – like a heavy load had been lifted off his chest and he was suddenly lighter. He said he felt relieved for being able to change his perspective and was looking forward to a new future. He also acknowledged that his lack of confidence perhaps helped him moderate his risk taking and thereby reduce mistakes. It had served him a purpose early on his career, which was important for him then and perhaps, it was now time for that to go. The coach asked him if it would be possible for him to be careful and courageous so that he could have the best of both worlds. He responded with a clear yes and added that it was something he already had in his experience and felt within reach again. In the rest of his coaching sessions, he focused on how to build a new image that was in line with what he wanted at this time in his life. He found that his declaration broke the chains that shackled him for more than a decade. At the time of writing this, John reported that he now speaks from a place of confidence, having found the courage to express himself freely. As a result, he finds he is not rushed while communicating, but insightful.